Saturday, May 30, 2009

Wo(men)

After lurking across the sometimes hypnotizing interwebmosphere, I came across a wonderful article. This was found on a former friend's blog that I continually read, leaving me to feel an unusual form of guilty, as if it's a personal journal that I've found the key to.

The article left me feeling refreshingly thrilled. I identify the feeling with this:

Corroborating a shamefully honest opinion of yours to a friend/partner/parent in an artfully tactful way.

OR

Proving yourself right, already knowing it, now armed with a perfect summary of embarrassingly recent understandings. Sadly, I was not born with a complete understanding this article, as that is rarely the case. One thing I am told that I was born with is the unrivaled ability to successfully whine. This is exhibit A. Let's not kid ourselves, the blog era is directly effecting one industry far more than any other. Therapists.

IHop is Wack

In the early 90's, a band existed consisting of 9 year old boys singing about pizza, killing eagles and homeless people. They went by the name "Old Skull" and it is the filthiest, most raw form of music I have ever heard. They have a video for their song "Homeless" but their sickest song is called "Pizza Man."

Oh pizza man,
If you are late,
You will give it to me for free.
OK, pizza man, here's your tip:
A bullet to the head.




It is believed that a parental figure is responsible for writing the music and lyrics. I choose not to believe that.

Friday, May 29, 2009

Jones' Orange Matches

It's 4:00AM here in Boston and I am packing up my belongings at a snail's pace. After some quick math and research, I have realized that it makes pretty close to no sense for me to rent a storage facility as I relocate to San Francisco. I have a bunch of furniture that I am never going to want in any future apartment of mine, a giant TV, and a game console that I hardly use. To pay $30 a month to store a bunch of useless shit annoys me. Ideally, I'd like to rent out a storage space for 3-4 months, to have a fallout plan, in case things don't work out over there ( <-- ).

I just watched MIA's interview with slithery political comedian, Bill Maher. My thoughts on him can be positive or negative on any given topic, but I enjoy what he does. Anyhow, it seems as if MIA gives the American public way too much credit, as far as knowledge-of-foreign-affairs is concerned. Over a significant sample, I would be SHOCKED if 15% of the American public knows where Sri Lanka is located. Shocked.

Since the early 80's, the Sri Lankan had been fighting off a separatist military organization named the LTTE. In a nutshell, LTTE fought for an independent state in the northeast area of Sri Lanka. Fast forward 26 years later, and 80,000 people are killed as a result, along with a failing economy, and warped population rates.

Check out the Bill Maher interview, if it's of interest to you. Pretty wild stuff.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Queens




My brain has been introduced to new information that hasn't been given the proper time to mentally digest. My view on certain people has changed dramatically.

I have spent the past few days roaming around New York City with Lee. Our spontaneous trip had no actual goals or agendas, and I enjoyed it that way. We drank at many bars (Beauty Bar, Duplex, Dallas BBQ, Sharlene's, Down the Hatch, among more) and stopped at some pretty strange places. An infinitely better trip that my last.

I found a note in a piece of furniture while I was cleaning out my apartment. It said "I'm sorry," and it must have been written by June before she moved out. Nine times out of ten, when finding something as "symbolic" and cliche as this (when referencing a past relationship), I find it upsetting. Being completely turned off of her, I felt irritated and almost found it humorous. We should both feel shitty about how we dealt with our situation from beginning to end, but I don't regret it as much as I should. I constantly view the negative times far more than the good.

While wondering the streets of East Village, I met a street poet named Donald Green. Lee bought some of his hand written work for $2 and I talked with him for over an hour. I love one of his poems. This is called "Blue Joy."

Out of gray
sky
came a bright blue
bird.
He sat upon my window sill
and for an instant-no
more than a ray of sun
in the whirl of time-we
stared at one another.

He then lifted his blue wings
and gently returned to the gray.

I combed my hair.
I brushed my teeth.
I dressed.
I then had my morning lemon
and went off to work.

And when the gray had
gone to yellow and from
yellow to a soft mellow
brown, I gathered my
things and rushed home.

I wanted to see if he had
come again with evening time.

Why?

I could not really say.

Perhaps, this is what
loneliness can come to.

Monday, May 25, 2009

OTL

Last night, I visited a studio called Outside the Lines for a show. This studio embraces and adheres to the needs of the mentally disabled. All of the artwork created is for sale, with 85% of the profits going to the artist. There was a fantastic gallery, among many carts with greeting cards, t-shirts, bracelets and prints. There was an original piece that I wanted to buy for $50, but it was already sold.

I went with two friends to check out a band called Child Abuse. They are tough to define as grindcore, but they are a 3 piece with keyboards, drums, and bass. The vocals were perfect for what they were doing, and the bassist held their infusion of noise together and in synch, keeping it from complete unstructured blasts of sound. Very enjoyable set, and I may even head to see them again today.

The closing band, Black Elf Speaks, is a project of theUSAISAMONSTER's drummer. They have a distinctly unique pop sound, with a wildly intense stage presence. Being a 7 member band dressed as elves, the sounds they make are unexpected and catchy. The band uses Native American folklore to create and explore untraveled lyrical worlds. Needless to say, I bought their newest album that they self released.

Also, I'm super excited to report that I finally have solved the puzzle of opening a beer bottle with a lighter.

Also, I am sporting a mustache and loving it.

Likes

When the last living thing
Has died on account of us,
How poetical it would be
If Earth could say,
In a voice floating up
Perhaps
From the floor
Of the Grand Canyon,
"It is done.
People did not like it here."


-Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

I'm reading "Cat's Cradle."

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Accessing the Inacessible

I have an insatiable desire to know a person's true intention. To know motives and reasons behind a person's words and actions interests me greatly. Rarely is the truth entirely evident on the surface of a conversation or interaction. As a result, I often find myself poking and jerking social situations toward irregular (and sometimes uncomfortable) paths. Especially when forming new relationships, honestly in this respect is mightily powerful. When such a strong foundation is built, what is built upon it is limitless. Lies will lead to lying about lies and lying about lying about lies, creating an intricate and unnecessary web of deceit.

I consumed 3 caplets of Tylenol PMs and am now feeling the effects. I will come back to this later.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

79%

It seems as if I'm telling everyone a different story. I want to move to the bay area of California. I want to be unfamiliar with places and people. I want to write in a comfortable and clear environment. I want to take classes and learn Spanish.

Being the naive and hopeful person that I am, staying in Boston creates the opportunity for me to correct any relationships that went sour. I am in no way bitter toward any of my former friendships or girlfriends, but am eager to shed some positive light on them before they completely vanish. I sincerely miss the random, meaningless moments in a day:
- Driving around Hyde Park in my Volvo Stationwagon with Lee in the front seat babbling about something ridiculous and June laughing in the back seat. Fuck, I miss that.
- Sitting, drinking at Razzy's with John, June, Lee, Darrick, and whoever else we come across that night. Watching everyone make a drunken fool of themselves at karaoke.

The idea of sticking around is becoming increasingly stale. I'm too comfortable here. If I do stay, I envision myself giving biased advice to friends and girlfriends past. I see myself wasting time, and getting nothing accomplished.

To those dissatisfied with their lives thus far, I know that a spontaneous leap into the unknown is not always the answer. For some, it's working 50 hour weeks, drinking and smoking yourself retarded, having meaningless sex, and filling space. Not me. To me, what it all comes down to is this. When it's all said and done, I want to look back on my life here with a big fucking smile on my face.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

OOT

I plan to write a fair amount during my stint at my next place of residence, and may even get a part-time job at a bar or restaurant.

Playing poker on a "professional" level sometimes leads me down paths that I wouldn't normally travel. I'm forced to lend money to irresponsible people, and chase people around for it. (The following sentence has been removed.)

I checked out a bar called Penguin Pizza over in Brigham Circle yesterday. The beer list is deceiving because they run out of product on a regular basis. I had a Dogfish 120, a Magic Hat Summer Whacko, and a Brooklyn Lager. Enjoyable.

After, I went with a friend to check out my buddy Mark's set down the street at a bar called Curtins. I disliked everything about the bar, but had a good time nonetheless. I hung out at a house in Roxbury after the show and did nothing.

Cheers

Friday, May 15, 2009

With All Due Respect

My words lead me toward undesirable attention. If I'm placed in a sudden, gloomy relationship, I am going to know how to handle the shit out of it.

I have been told by 3 women in my life that I am an easy person to love. I was so quick to take it as a compliment.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Today and In February

I sent out countless drunken text messages to those fortunate enough to receive them. Some were ugly. Some were beautiful. Apologies regardless.

Last night, I joined some friends for a karaoke night over by Symphony Hall. The bar is called Our House East.

HIGHLIGHTS:
Chief sings"Thong Song"
John confesses that Soundgarden songs covered by women make him weak in the knees.
I hate Soundgarden.
The drop dead gorgeous bartender who took shots with us and charged us for about 1/3rd of our drinks.

I ended up making it home in one piece, only to leave for the downtown area around 3AM. I hung out there and hit up a diner on my home. (South Street Diner)

I'm finally taking initiative toward finding a new home for next month (June). Ideally, I want to stick around the Boston area until I collect all the money that is owed to me, but it may not work out that way. I have an application pending for a studio in Brooklyn and am keeping my fingers crossed.

The idea of hooking up with random girls does not appeal to me very much. For such an emotion-filled action to be done without emotion freaks me out, and seems vaguely ironic. A few months back (February), a girl who I had never been close with, but knew, kissed me. At the time, I was in a relationship and it was speculated that we were breaking up. She was a mutual friend that I met through my then girlfriend. I know this topic seems bland, but I felt that her reason for kissing me was to hurry along the process of separating by telling her what I did. Partially, I feel guilty for it, although I'm told that I shouldn't. It's interesting to dissect a person's true intentions after the fact. Amen.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Exclamation Points Come Off As Tacky.

In high school, I was terrified and intimidated by girls. Although I'm not entirely sure why, I can honestly say that I was scared of taking part in a serious relationship. Being aware that high school relationships are almost always heart-breakers, I was overly cautious. Now, I feel very differently.

Toward the end of my high school career, I met a girl from two towns away. Her name was Lee and I spent almost every night talking with her for three months. I was infinitely attracted to her on so many levels, and loved to listen to her talk about her art work. During school, art was never an interest of mine, but I enjoyed listening to her talk because she did so in such a unique way. The idea of love was so new and boundless to me at this point, and it was ironic how naive I was. Years later, I was 99.99999% that this was the girl I wanted to marry and grow old with. To this day, I owe so much of my growth to her and am infinitely thankful to have been part of her life for so long.

As my relationship abruptly ended with Lee, I felt as if my legs were pulled out from under me. I hadn't been single since high school, and felt down and alone. To postpone my raw emotion, I spent a lot of time with someone that I considered to be a good friend. Her name was Caitlin and we had known each other for a long time. To my knowledge, we had been attracted to one another for a while, but never really discussed it. Partially, I wanted female companionship and someone to spend time with. Anything done beyond that was beyond cool with me, but wasn't expected. Our minds operated very differently and we didn't truly relate on very many levels. I am exceedingly analytical to absurd and unhealthy degrees and she is more of a free-spirited, don't-read-too-into-things type.

While spending 3 days hanging out with Caitlin and wasting time being 21 and attracted to each other (?), I noticed a drastic change in attitude with my roommate and important friend, June. At this point, she had been an extremely close friend of mine. I fantasized about her in such a way that I felt guilty. Very guilty for a long time. Our relationship was eerily platonic, and we were both comfortable with that. To this day, I feel that we were both conscious of being attracted to one another. Fast forward two weeks, and our relationship becomes extremely physical as we corner ourselves into dating. It was really cool for a while. We spun ourselves into an oblivion, and alienated almost all of our friends by being together. Although we weren't sharing a similar outlook on the future, we shared a lot of similar interests.

The relationship was fucking destructive, among many other things. We were up each other's asses permanently. For reasons that I deemed plausible, I did not trust her and it ultimately ended the relationship. Also, we are both crazy. I miss her company pre-dating and she misses mine, too. I also miss bowling and staying in at night. A lot.

I have had extremely unique situations as of late, and have learned to take it all with a grain of salt. Being a single adult is hilarious.

I wrote an unabridged, full story. Decided on posting the cliffnotes.

Also, none of the people mentioned in this post are on speaking terms with me. Obviously!

Monday, May 11, 2009

The Truth is Exactly This

Whatever it is you think you are, you aren't. A good friend, unique, well-read, good-looking, or smart. Well now you know. I hate to be the one to bear such bad news. I know it hurts to hear, but it's true. You don't mean anything to anyone but me. And even I think that you're blinded by conceit. So now you know. Free beer and basement shows don't mean you've made it. It's what you do, not who you were, or what you wear, or where you've been. So do something. Whoever you think is watching you dance from across the room, they aren't. If anything, they feel sorry for you because you try so hard. I know it hurts to hear, but it's the truth, so you might as well hear it from a friend. You're a has-been that never was. And I know it's mean to say but it's something I've been meaning to say to you for a while. You're a has-been that never was or will be.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

17?

Sometimes, when I dig my heels too deep into the ground, I find it a lot easier to adapt to my surroundings, when the choice with less potential consequences (lifting my feet and moving) is clearly the better of the two. Not necessarily a "right" or "wrong" decision, but the one with rational consequences. Defining each decision as right or wrong is rarely possible. I find comfort in having control and being the most aware, and at the same time, become dependent on people that also make decisions with significantly negative consequences. Not always the easiest type to trust.

A friend made a joke that I am capable of falling in love with a lamp. Not true. Also, it is a rip off of an Anchorman quote. Do not like. Within the same day, a joke broke questioning whether I'm going to stay single for longer than 48 hours or not.

I shaved my head today.

I'm listening to a lot of Verse, Deerhunter, and Broken Social Scene.

Girl: I'm the type of girl that wants to know if my ass looks big in jeans, or something.
Guy: Okay, well I am the type of guy that's not an idiot, and will always lie.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

+more

Dear Self,

Life is too short to deal with superficial depressive robots. Que lastima!

Cheers,
Richard

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

1111111111115

After a week of convulsive sleep, having both beautiful and horrifying dreams (in the short span of time where I actually did sleep 2+ hours), I realized that my energy is primarily focused on activities that limit my creativity. I know, for most of you, that I'm speaking far too vaguely for anything of substance to be derived from this. Follow me to paragraph 2.

Surrounding myself with constant negativity and repetition has rewired my brain into operating less creatively, and in a more "cookie cutter" way. I hate it. However, I've been introduced to an unconventional way of communicating with people in a more efficient and honest manner. My relationships are stronger than ever and my heart is growing exponentially inside of relationships, activities, goals, and risks taken. I love what I love, and to tell me that I shouldn't jump into things whole-heartedly is fucking ridiculous. You should have a CONCRETE perception of love and reality before you pull the trigger on criticism.

Don't ever cloud and smother emotion. Don't ever disguise it and don't ever try to forget it. Love is relative, and to have never experienced love in a literal sense, will forever effect your perception of it.

Love,
Richard

Sunday, May 3, 2009

As of Late

Two nights ago, I made the mistake of drinking whiskey the entire duration of the night, having only consumed a very tiny amount of red pepper hummus. After spending some time at Dodge St, Major MacGleash's, and The Lobster Shanty, I was truly wasted and incoherent, making a complete fool of myself to all that I tried to contact in that time. I recall waking up in an unfamiliar bedroom at my friend's house over by Salem State. I also recall driving with a massive hangover.

After sleeping for a few hours, I headed back to the homeland to gather myself. I went out to by an ipod and an effects pedal shortly after. Rather than catch up on some sleep, I decided to play with my new toy, having completely forgotten that I agreed to drive out to the North Hampton/Amherst area for a show. I picked up my friend Mark, and we ate some nasty mussels and found some pretty cool bars. The show was a disaster, but it was a good time. There were a few dilemmas but we pulled through.

After this night, I am now an advocate for 5 hour energy drinks.

If all goes accordingly to plan, I am supposed to head to MassArt today to help set up a gallery, sleep my face off, and wake up crazy early to check out a couple of apartments in the Williamsburg area of Brooklyn.