In high school, I was terrified and intimidated by girls. Although I'm not entirely sure why, I can honestly say that I was scared of taking part in a serious relationship. Being aware that high school relationships are almost always heart-breakers, I was overly cautious. Now, I feel very differently.
Toward the end of my high school career, I met a girl from two towns away. Her name was Lee and I spent almost every night talking with her for three months. I was infinitely attracted to her on so many levels, and loved to listen to her talk about her art work. During school, art was never an interest of mine, but I enjoyed listening to her talk because she did so in such a unique way. The idea of love was so new and boundless to me at this point, and it was ironic how naive I was. Years later, I was 99.99999% that this was the girl I wanted to marry and grow old with. To this day, I owe so much of my growth to her and am infinitely thankful to have been part of her life for so long.
As my relationship abruptly ended with Lee, I felt as if my legs were pulled out from under me. I hadn't been single since high school, and felt down and alone. To postpone my raw emotion, I spent a lot of time with someone that I considered to be a good friend. Her name was Caitlin and we had known each other for a long time. To my knowledge, we had been attracted to one another for a while, but never really discussed it. Partially, I wanted female companionship and someone to spend time with. Anything done beyond that was beyond cool with me, but wasn't expected. Our minds operated very differently and we didn't truly relate on very many levels. I am exceedingly analytical to absurd and unhealthy degrees and she is more of a free-spirited, don't-read-too-into-things type.
While spending 3 days hanging out with Caitlin and wasting time being 21 and attracted to each other (?), I noticed a drastic change in attitude with my roommate and important friend, June. At this point, she had been an extremely close friend of mine. I fantasized about her in such a way that I felt guilty. Very guilty for a long time. Our relationship was eerily platonic, and we were both comfortable with that. To this day, I feel that we were both conscious of being attracted to one another. Fast forward two weeks, and our relationship becomes extremely physical as we corner ourselves into dating. It was really cool for a while. We spun ourselves into an oblivion, and alienated almost all of our friends by being together. Although we weren't sharing a similar outlook on the future, we shared a lot of similar interests.
The relationship was fucking destructive, among many other things. We were up each other's asses permanently. For reasons that I deemed plausible, I did not trust her and it ultimately ended the relationship. Also, we are both crazy. I miss her company pre-dating and she misses mine, too. I also miss bowling and staying in at night. A lot.
I have had extremely unique situations as of late, and have learned to take it all with a grain of salt. Being a single adult is hilarious.
I wrote an unabridged, full story. Decided on posting the cliffnotes.
Also, none of the people mentioned in this post are on speaking terms with me. Obviously!
